Here's the very delayed published blog from 10-11 years ago:
I see a therapist. Richard and I saw Woody 19 years ago when I was ready to file for divorce. It helped us. I also saw Woody a couple times to convince the PGE shrink that I really was making every effort to get along with the annoying co-worker. Then, when the new supervisor threatened to move me to a non-window cubicle, I went to Antoinette (Woody is no longer in practice) to get her to write me a note that my SAD requires me to be exposed to natural light.
Nine days ago, I went to see Antoinette again - and this visit was very different than any of the others. I went to get help from a "non-interested party" on how to deal with my feelings about my best friend of 40 years who has decided it's easier to die than fight.
Suicide takes many forms, and choosing not to live is suicide in my opinion. When there are options and steps that can be taken, and one does not do so, one is choosing to die. It is suicide. It is selfish. Antoinette asked if I thought my daddy said to himself, "I don't care what this does to my family.".... Of course I know he didn't think that - he would never ever have done anything to hurt me. She pointed out that apparently my friend is so wrapped up in her own fear and pain and uncertainty that she truly doesn't even think of what this would do to anyone else.
Does that excuse it? Not in my opinion. And yes, I suppose that's selfish of me. But there you have it. I do not excuse suicide. It is selfish, it is careless, it is wrong. Do I forgive my daddy? Most days, yes. Will I find a way to forgive this slow suicide? Probably. But not every day. No, not every day.
Nine days ago, I went to see Antoinette again - and this visit was very different than any of the others. I went to get help from a "non-interested party" on how to deal with my feelings about my best friend of 40 years who has decided it's easier to die than fight.
Suicide takes many forms, and choosing not to live is suicide in my opinion. When there are options and steps that can be taken, and one does not do so, one is choosing to die. It is suicide. It is selfish. Antoinette asked if I thought my daddy said to himself, "I don't care what this does to my family.".... Of course I know he didn't think that - he would never ever have done anything to hurt me. She pointed out that apparently my friend is so wrapped up in her own fear and pain and uncertainty that she truly doesn't even think of what this would do to anyone else.
Does that excuse it? Not in my opinion. And yes, I suppose that's selfish of me. But there you have it. I do not excuse suicide. It is selfish, it is careless, it is wrong. Do I forgive my daddy? Most days, yes. Will I find a way to forgive this slow suicide? Probably. But not every day. No, not every day.
